Marty and The News

News.

Teen finds new way to amass Twitter followers. Kara Alongi was tweeting a lot, but she didn't have many followers. She decided to go 'missing' in an attempt to gain followers. It worked. To the tune of nearly 100,000 new followers. Police are treating the case as a runaway teen. Family claims she would never run away and was abducted. Twitter experts argue over whether or not her new followers will stick around after she is found. @LarryTheSatelliteGuy tweeted, "I checked this girls tweets. Not very good. Soon as she found, I'm unfollowing. #GetErDone"

Girl, 14, kills baby after giving birth. Sometimes you just have to report the news folks. No jokes here. Although this girl's mom is pretty stupid.

Makes it easier to transition back into other news when you have a story about a college professor stripping naked and running around the classroom screaming, "there is no fucking God." Most of the students in the class saw this coming. Cade Miller, sophomore  said, "he's been saying for a few days now 'you guys, wouldn't it be funny if I just started running around the room naked?"

Angie Hernandez, 11, ruins cousin's birthday party. Anna Hernandez tells the story.

My parents got me this Party Bus for my birthday. I was turning 12. It was so cool. Angie got mad because I wouldn't let her sit where she wanted to. I told her she couldn't sit by any of us and she had to go sit by the emergency exit. The bus turned and she fell out. Now she is dead. This was supposed to be my birthday. I hate Angie. 

Anna's parents have reportedly told friends that although tragic, the incident may be a blessing. They spent all their money on the bus. The bus wasn't really taking the kids anywhere where the party would continue. The bus was just going to drive around. The bus was also just a school bus. The parents had just covered up 'school' with some poster board and wrote 'Party'. The bus has now been dubbed 'The Sad' bus.

Hong Kong also forgot to have a band play as the boat sank.

Hong Kong celebrates 100th anniversary of the sinking of Titanic, by sinking ferry and killing 38. When informed that the 100th anniversary was in April, the President of Hong Kong said, "Really? Shit."


Man finds out his pigs don't really like him. Terry Garner has been raising pigs for years. He thought they were his friend. His own family. After feeding the pigs one morning, Garner stuck around to pet his fellow family members. Only the pigs weren't done eating. They ate him. Terry Garner was 58.

I feel like PETA is on the wrong side of this argument.

BREAKING NEWS: Nigeria has a college. Upset that no one believes Nigeria has a college, a gunmen shot and killed 26 students to get the college into the news. Sadly, the Nigerian college only had 26 students. The college is essentially non-existant now.

Student assaults PE teacher. John Webster, 27 and a former college football player, suffered a fractured ankle and an injured knee from the attack. Webster claims he has been forced to wear an unsightly knee brace because of the attack. Webster's attacker is Rodrigo Carpio. Carpio is in the first grade, 6-years-old and weighs 50 pounds.

Drag queen community upset with Obama. Obama didn't think twice before calling debate prep 'a drag.'  But now the drag queen community is up in arms over the flippant comment. "Ahh, hell no," said James Stack, better know as Esther. "No he didn't. Maybe debate prep is hard, but Obama don't need to be bringing us into this."