Marty and The News

News.

Hot Amanda, left. Cow, right

Background of photos show how far Amanda Bynes has fallen. Bynes has taken to her Twitter to complain about people still using old pictures of her. She claims that she looks much better now. Her nose is better, according to her. The pictures tell a different story when seen side by side. Just from the backgrounds of the photos, you can tell that something has gone horribly wrong in her life. One has a Netflix logo behind her and was taken during a red-carpet event. The other is just her bathroom mirror (showing us how ugly her back is). Her bathroom isn't even decorated.

Lindsay Lohan shows Amanda Bynes how it's done. Both stars have taken similar paths to going crazy. But rather than going from cute to vaguely resembling a person you'd want to look at, Lohan is trying to just go from cute to vaguely attractive. For the most part, Lohan has been able to do it. Lohan slips up at times, but quickly returns to being somewhat attractive again. Bynes on the other hand went ugly and hasn't looked back.

Boy doesn't like how sister washes car, shoots her in the chest. A 6-year-old girl remains in critical condition after her brother, 13, became enraged and shot her in the chest. The two children were washing the family car in the driveway of their Florida home. At least one neighbor claims that he thought it was strange. "I thought it was strange," said Justin Latourrette. "They didn't seem to have any supervision." But rather than checking up on the two children, Latourrette just closed the blinds and returned to the couch. Shortly after doing so, an argument broke out when the girl accidentally sprayed the boy in the back with the hose. The boy grabbed the hose and sprayed his sister in the face by putting his thumb over the end of the hose. He then went into the house, grabbed the family gun and shot his sister in the chest.

Chris Brown finds new way to breakup with Rihanna. The last time Brown broke up with Rihanna, he did so by punching her in the face. This time, he just sat down and talked to her. "It felt good," says Brown.  "Don't get me wrong, last time felt good too, but it was different this time."

Hong Kong regrets painting dolphins pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Janet Walker, who doesn't have a Hong Kong sounding name, but is still somehow the Hong Kong Dolphinwatch spokeswoman explains:

It sounded like a good idea in the meeting. Li Wan, who had been a part of Dolphinwatch for 14 years had just passed away. Wan struggled with breast cancer for 6 years. We were all so sad. We wanted to honor her memory. Xe Lian suggested we honor Wan's memory by painting what she loved most pink. It wasn't even really talked about much after that. Everyone just went out and starting painting dolphins pink. All together, we painted something like 3,000 dolphins. 

Raised $10 for breast cancer research

When the The Hong Kong Dolphin Conservation Society learned of what Dolphinwatch had done, they were outraged. It appears the paint used is highly toxic and has been killing the dolphins. Over 500 dolphins have died already and it's not certain they can keep the others from dying. 

Another Fun Bus trip doesn't end in fun. Normally when the fun bus doesn't end up in fun, someone just gets really drunk and throws up everywhere. Occasionally, they also take a dump in the aisle. This time a lady fell out while the bus was travelling on the freeway. The lady was run over by several cars and killed. Miguel Hernandez was the only driver who hit Jamie Frecks and stopped.

“I saw he tried to avoid something, but there was nothing he can do. Nothing I can do. So he just ran over it and I ran over it. I didn’t know what it was,” Miguel Hernandez said. “It was crazy. Cars were just going and we could still hear her being hit”


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Marty and The News

News

'My Fair Wedding' host getting divorce. David Tutera's husband Ryan Jurica has filed for divorce in the state of Connecticut. The two are expecting twins via a surrogate in the coming months. There is a whole fight over the twins, but it's not really important. What is important is that Jurica claims one of the reasons for the divorce is because of Tutera's sex addiction. Jurica says Tutera is always getting prostitutes and escorts. What isn't made clear is whether or not the prostitutes and/or escorts are male or female. It matters and the public should withhold any judgment until they know the answer.

Economist claims we'll all have jobs by 2018. "Oh yeah," says Charles Smith. "We'll see about that. I like a challenge. Bring it on bitches. I'll tell you one thing, this guy won't have a job in 2018 now. I'm going to shut this asshole up."

Kriss Kross will make ya... cry, cry.  Rapper Chris Kelly, better known as Kriss Kross has passed away at the age of 34. Kelly's family has asked that you put your pants on backwards and jump while pouring out your 40 in his memory.

Picture of banana used for story on Masturbate-A-Thon 2013.  Grow up.

Banana or penis?

Jenny McCarthy dating Louis C.K. in her head. In April, Howard Stern told McCarthy that she should date Louis. She has now decided that the two really are dating. When reached for comment, Louis had to be reminded of who McCarthy is.

Justin Bieber stops concert in Turkey. Thousands boo and thousands pray.

Some dude in Slayer dies. Many mourn, many others ask who is Slayer and others claim they've always known who Slayer is and have loved them since they started in 1997, even though they actually started in 1982.

School closed due to really nice weather. "It was like extra super nice out," says one girl.

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Marty and The News

News.

Pope Francis makes bold statement for God. The Pope has always spoken for God, according to the Catholic religion. But normally when the Pope is asked how God feels about a particular topic, the Pope has to go to his Pope Chamber and ask him. But when Pope Francis was asked about how God feels about slave Labor in Bangladesh, he didn't do that. He immediatly answered that God is against it. Leaving many to wonder if God really feels that way or if Pope Francis is just putting words in his mouth. Many Catholics are saying slave labor in Bangladesh is a common conversation for God and the Pope. Pope Francis was already aware of the answer. Some Catholics are saying Francis shouldn't be so haste when speaking for God.

"I wasn't looking for sex, I just wanted to know where the gay bars were," Christian blogger. Matt Moore has spoken out several times against homosexuality in his blog and has now been caught on the gay-dating app Grindr. Moore admits that he is sexually attracted to other men, but has been fighting off the feelings because he believes it is a sin. According to Moore, he wasn't looking for sex, he was just looking for someone to show him where they gay bars were in New Orleans and maybe take him there.  No sex.

New York City man can't figure out how sink works, sues city for $150 million.

The first time I ate at a restaurant and used their restroom, I couldn’t figure out how to use the sink; it was one of those automatic motion-sensor faucets. I had to get someone to show me what to do, and I felt embarrassed.

Those are those words of David Ranta, who is suing the city for $150 million for his ordeal. Ranta had been in prison for 22 years, but was released in March when it was found he didn't commit the murder. 

Parents get 5-year-old boy .22-caliber rifle for birthday, shoots sister in the face.

Is that a hostel bathroom?

Amanda Bynes' bathroom isn't very cute. Her face also looks funny. Boobs decent.

Gay, former MLB player Glenn Burke introduced the high-five. A National gay athlete hall of fame has been opened in Chicago. When asked as to whether or not Jason Collins would be in it, "he'll probably make it, but it's more for players like Glenn Burke," said hall of fame organizer Bill Gubrud. Burke, who is now deceased, came out after his playing days, but is widely credited with introducing the world to the high-five. Upon learning about the high-five news, several other hall of fames are strongly considering inducting Glenn Burke. 

That's it. That's the news.