Marty and The News

NEWS TIME!!!! !! !

This picture was cool. Now it's just lame.

Last week I reported on the photobombing stingray. This week we have the backstory behind this photo has come out. No one asked for the backstory, or was wanting it, but now we have it. The backstory on this probably should not have come out. It's not interesting and makes the picture less interesting.

Country singer mistakingly thinks that being caught cheating would disappoint his fans. Country fans like and expect this kind of thing.

One of those is a dude.

It's 'Miss Bum Bum' time in Brazil. The annual pageant is getting started in Brazil and I'm looking for a reason to post a picture of butts.

Amazon in trouble for selling a puzzle.


PBS surprised to learn that Jerry Lewis is still alive. "I was just sitting in my office," says one PBS executive. "I received a call from a man claiming to be Jerry Lewis. 'No really. Who is this?' I said. I thought Jerry died four years ago. He wants to do some thing in Vegas. I don't really know what it is. I told him that I thought he was dead, but we'd be happy to do it."

Gay-to-straight conversion therapy now banned in California. One group says that the ban doesn't go far enough. Leader of that group, Bill Darrelson, spoke out against the ban. "Unless this ban includes straight-to-gay conversions, it shouldn't be passed," he says. "What's stopping one of these gays from becoming a teacher and turing my boy into one of them? Gays are notorious for this kind of thing. My friend Larry met a gay at a bar, a straight bar that a gay shouldn't be at I might add. Now Larry is a faggot."

Boy Scouts of America, once again, prove they are a superior people when compared to your average American. They are now going to notify the police of pedophiles. Something the rest of America has not been doing.

Bus drivers in San Antonio attempt double-suicide. School bus drivers Mike Jeffers and Larry Kline were done with life. They couldn't deal with. They were especially fed up with the kids on their school bus and their low pay. The two men planned on racing their buses towards each other in hopes that the impact would kill both of them. Mike Jeffers survived the crash. Larry Kline was so lucky. "Larry is a lucky guy," said Jeffers.

Americans getting better at child abuse. "It used to be that kids would just get a few bruises," says Dr. John Leventhal of Yale University. "Now we are seeing a rise in the number of kids that have to be hospitalized due to injuries they sustain from child abuse. We've got a long way to go to catch other countries as far as child abuse is concerned, but we are headed in the right direction."

Ron Wallace has no fear of retribution for his record. 

Pumpkin records are falling left and right. In the time span of just five days, the world record for the heaviest pumpkin, fell not once, but twice. "This type of thing is unprecedented in the pumpkin world," said a pumpkin weighing judge who wished to remain anonymous for fear that their may be retribution for the records.

Original picture on the left. What appeared in the catalogue on the right.

Ikea removes woman from catalogue. In a move that has child safety enthusiasts everywhere up in arms, Ikea has taken a woman out of one of the pictures in their latest catalogue. "That kid really shouldn't be using that sink unsupervised like that," says child safety expert Julie Bond. "It's a shame to see Ikea act so irresponsibly."


That's it. That's the news.