Marty and The News: Sunday Edition

The news used to stop on Sunday and give you time to catch up. That's not the case anymore. That's why I'm here.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are still trying to figure out the equation for their tax plan. When Romney and Ryan came up solution for what their tax plan would do, they decided to call it a night and work on the specifics of achieving that solution in the morning. "We really were going to figure it out that next morning," says Romney. "But Paul had to do some P90X and I didn't have time to wait for him to finish as I had some campaigning to do. I let the people I was talking to that day know that Paul and I had come up with the perfect solution. I thought we would have found the answer on how to get there by now. The whole thing has just kind of snowballed out of control." Romney and Ryan are working tirelessly on the specifics of their tax plan that will end in the way they dreamt. The two men have been spending every night together for the last two weeks trying to figure it out. They have gone through a lot of root beer and licorice, and Ryan has done thousands of push-ups, but they still haven't found the equation that gives them the answer that they came up with more than a month ago now.

Polls show that if the election were held today, Obama would win. Pollsters continued. We also have this other poll from November of 2008, that shows if the election were held then, Obama would also win that. We also have this poll that was only done in the State of Illinois in November of 2004. Obama would win that one too. It doesn't matter which one of these polls you look at, things aren't looking good for Romney.

Justin Bieber's bulimia is out of control. Bieber has never publicly acknowledged the rumors of his bulimia, but it now looks like he may have too. Biber took the stage last night in Arizona and threw up. It was the first stop on his Believe tour, so he can't even blame it on exhaustion. Bieber is going to have to face the rumors head on this time.

David Letterman tells viewers of his late night show to not vote for Mitt Romney. President Barack Obama appeared on the show last week and now Letterman is telling his viewers not to vote for Romney, unless he makes an appearance on the show. Once that appearance takes place, Letterman will then tell his viewers not to vote for Mitt Romney.

Young Jeezy versus...

Just another night in black entertainment, as a fight breaks out at the BET Awards. This time it was Young Jeezy and Rick Ross who got into it. The two got into a shoving match on stage, but things didn't end there. The two argued in the parking lot, where gun shots were reportedly heard.

This fat guy

Man angry with God, attacks churches. Wade Murray was pissed of at God. Now he is accused of vandalizing at least six different churches. Each one of a different denomination. Murray wasn't sure which God was the right God to be mad at, so he hedged his bets and attacked the six most popular Gods. 

NHL players meet to discuss lockout strategy. The players have been talking with NFL referees to try and figure out how they got so much public outcry behind their lockout, that eventually came to an end because of the public backlash. The NFL referees union had this to say to the NHL players union. "Our sport is popular. People would rather watch us do our thing, than do whatever it is that you do. And we are just referees. We don't know how to help you. You already missed a full season recently. No one cared then. Why would they care now? The world stopped during our lockout and we only missed three weeks. Sorry that we can't help you. Best of luck."

Prank backfires on high school teen. Sarah Ditmers, the most popular girl at a Michigan high school, thought it would be funny to pull a prank on Whitney Kropp, the often bullied and least popular girl in the school. Ditmers thought it would be a funny prank to have Kropp voted as homecoming queen. "Can you imagine that homely, dumpy looking girl as homecoming queen?" Says Ditmers. "This was going to be my best prank yet." After the prank, Ditmers' mood was much different. "Watching her walk out on the football field... She just looked so beautiful. And the ovation she got from the crowd. I wanted it to be me. She's always going to have that memory of being homecoming queen. I want to have that memory. She's always going to be able to tell people she was homecoming queen in high school. I'm going to have to tell people I lost to that."

Fans of giant breasts and water parks shed a tear. Dolly Parton has withdrawn her involvement in a planned water park in Nashville. 

That's it. That's the news.

Marty and The News

It's only been a day since I last reported news. News is happening at a record pace. I'm doing my best to keep up. Let's not waste any more time.

Tim Cook angers iPhone users even more. Steve Jobs thinks about coming back to life and running Apple again. Reminiscent of the signal issue that the iPhone 4 had, Apple holds press conference to talk about an issue with their new phone. This time for their attempt at maps. But unlike with the signal issue, where they blamed people for holding the phone wrong. Apple took blame this time. The weak Tim Cook apologized for the piss-poor app. Then suggested alternative apps to use. One of the apps Cook suggested was Waze. What the hell is Waze? Apple users are left bewildered and angered at the Waze suggestion.

Romney face

Poll finds that Mitt Romney is less favorable than George W. Bush. Upon learning the news, Romney tried to stick to his plan of distancing himself from Bush. "I'm not familiar with this George guy," Romney claimed. Bush reacted with glee. "All right," said Bush while giving two thumbs up. "Looks like I have a good chance at winning."

This gentleman is holding his phone correctly for shooting video

It happened again. Teens take video of them beating a mentally challenged woman. These attacks seem common place these days. They like to post the videos on Facebook too. Which is a travesty. The videos are always shot in portrait. Stop recording video in portrait. It doesn't matter how you take pictures, but video should always be shot in landscape. Today's youth are failing this country.


Sick and tired of the small lunch portions, students plan a cafeteria boycott. A strategy session was held on Thursday to discuss the possible strike. One student had this to say, "This year you’re eating lunch and you’re like ‘Did I even eat?’ You’re not even full." He even went as far to say, "if somebody’s obese why should someone like me who’s not obese have to suffer, and eat a small meal when I’d rather have a bigger meal?" Answer that, Obama. The students are blaming Obama for the small meals.

How come you can say definitively say that this guy shot himself, but you have to say he allegedly shot the other 4 people? Oh, this guy lost his job, went back to the office, shot and killed 4 people before killing himself. You know the routine.

Hey ladies, stop your bitching and start doing the housework. Study finds that couples are more likely to divorce when they share the housework duties. The best marriages are those in which the woman do the housework. "The more a man does in the home, the higher the divorce rate," says this one guy.

Man sends sext message to two teen girls and every other contact in his phone. Craig Evans claims the sext was meant for his girlfriend. Evans was most likely really hard up. The good news is, he'll be able to get some of his frustrations out in jail. Where he'll be spending the next 18 months for the sext.

Man teaches his teenage son to not rob houses by shooting and killing him in the act. Jeffrey Giuliano received a call from his neighbor who believed someone was trying to break into her house. Giuliano went to check it out with his gun in hand. He found a masked man who was attempting entry into the house. Giuliano claims the masked man came at him with a silver object. Giuliano shot and killed the man. Turns out the masked man was Giuliano's teenage son.

Jimmy Hoffa may be buried under a driveway in Michigan. They're going to dig up the driveway today to find out. Because for some reason, it still matters where Jimmy Hoffa is, even though no one has seen him for nearly 40 years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger manages to only get one movie title into the title of his book. Schwarzenegger's memoir is titled, 'Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story.' Schwarzenegger regrets only being able to get one movie title into the book title. Schwarzenegger had this to say, "I wanted more than one. I just couldn't figure it out. I was able to get true into the title. I just couldn't figure out how lies would fit in. I've never lied."

That's it. That's the news.

Marty and The News

For the first time, I got my own news. I'm moving Marty and The News on to Blogger. Facebook treated me well. I assume no one was reading it on Facebook, but there was no way to know for sure. With the move to Blogger, I'll be able to know for sure that no one is reading it.

Now for the news.

Romney advisers want him to bring back certain kinds of torture. Republican fans already feel tortured by his horrendous campaign.

Johnny Lewis found dead. Goes to show you that just because you are in Hollywood, you're life isn't glamorous. And just because you are on a hit show, people still aren't going to know you by name. Lewis, 'Sons of Anarchy,' and more importantly, 'The O.C. star,' was found dead on the driveway of a 70-year-old lady. Lewis was renting a room from the lady. That's where 'fame' gets you. The old lady was found dead inside the home. Rumor has it, Lewis is suspected of killing the old lady.

Ladies Ray

Stingray tries to pick up some chicks.

Representative Barney Frank claims pot brownie made him sleepy. I suspect Frank would have been sleepy whether or not he ate the brownie. 

There are just to many good quotes in this story about a man who had 60 dead cats in his van, for you to not go and read the whole thing.  

Something tells me this lady isn't going to vote, or isn't eligible to vote. But at least she wouldn't vote for Obama just because he is black.

It's sad that this kid killed himself at school. It's even worse that it may have been due to bullying. It's sadder yet, that he did it dressed as Two-Face. Further tarnishing the Batman Trilogy. But the worst part of all, is that this school thinks having a day where you dress up in costume has anything to do with Breast Cancer Awareness week.  

I didn't know this site existed, but all you ladies should go check it out. You may already be internet stars and just not know it.  

Doctors claim to have grown an ear on a ladies arm. After further review, they just grew some skin and then shaped it into an ear. It's not like she could hear out her arm. It didn't even look like an ear when it was on her arm.  

Alligator rips off old lady's arm. She was probably taunting the alligator. I don't see why they have to kill the alligator. She is old. She probably wasn't using the arm much anyways.  

Victim #1 in the Jerry Sandusky case is going to show how traumatized he is by profitting off of it.  

If this lady ends up getting cancer one day, do the charges get dropped and she gets the money back?

Finally, the NFL referee lockout is over. Now we can get back to complaining about the refs the old fashioned way.  

I hope this kid doesn't die. I don't want to have to watch 'World's Deadliest Snake Bites' on TruTV.  

Syria shows rebels they mean business the only way they know how. By sending them text messages.  

Guy writes story about how he puts his phone in his pocket. Great stuff.  

That's it. That's the news.