February 26th Edition

Four million people have signed up for Obamacare, George W. Bush is surprised half the country has already signed up. The number of people that have signed up for Obamacare are very low, but not according to one former President. "Wow!" Said Bush. "Four million, already. I didn't think that many people would sign up for that Obamacare. Boy was I wrong. Half the country has already signed up." Bush was only off on the population of the United States by roughly 306 million. Since making his comments, Bush has taken to Twitter to explain that he was joking. "My comments on Obamacare were a joke. What do they call it, sarcasm? I was being sarcasm," tweeted Bush.

Another fast food patron looks at their receipt too closely. An alarming trend of customers looking to closely at their receipt has griped the country. In the old days, nobody looked at their receipt. Except in the rare circumstances they forgot their order number. "Bitch ass hoes."That's the name that left an elderly grandmother in tears. A Burger King employee printed the name on elderly woman's receipt. Apparently because the elderly woman and her granddaughter were being "bitch ass hoes." The manger of the Burger King told the woman that she shouldn't have looked at the receipt.

Random cat picture

Former New England Patriots turned probable murder, Aaron Hernandez, beats up guy in prison. TMZ reports that inmate was harassing Hernandez, so he had it coming.

Woman tricks boyfriend into killing himself under the guise of gun safety. Sarah was fed up with her boyfriends douchey ways and wanted to put an end to him. She didn't want to do it herself however, so she devised a plan for him to kill himself. For days on end, Sarah constantly nagged and complained about his guns and how unsafe they were to have in the house. Especially around their children. The boyfriend eventually set out to show her how safe the guns were. He grabbed his three guns and pointed each one to his head and pulled the trigger. What he didn't know, is that Sarah had put a bullet in one of the guns a few days prior. The first two gun did nothing when the man pulled the trigger. Sarah even played along and had him point the second gun at her and pull the trigger after nothing happened when he pointed it at himself. Sarah was in the middle of apologizing for saying the guns weren't safe when her boyfriend killed himself by pointing the third gun at his head and pulling the trigger.

NFL may move Super Bowl from Arizona if anti-gay is passed, Arizona wouldn't let Super Bowl take place if Michael Sam's team were in it. The bill isn't just anti-gay, it's anti-whatever-the-hell-you-want. If it's against your religious beliefs for people to wear hats, you can refuse service to those wearing hats. Hate women? Well good news for you. You don't have to let them live in your apartment complex. As long as you belong to a religion that hates women. Which is most of them. The NFL doesn't like the law and is using the threat of taking the Super Bowl away as a deterrent to passing it. If the Super Bowl were moved from Arizona, where it is scheduled to be played in 2015, the state would lose hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue. Lawmakers in Arizona aren't scared however. They say it's the NFL that is scared. Under the law, Arizona could refuse at the last minute to let the Super Bowl take place if they wanted . One scenario where Arizona would stop the Super Bowl is if the team who drafts openly gay player, Michael Sam, were to make the Super Bowl.

High School senior is suspended because his dad is merely a lowly fisherman. David Duren-Sanner attends a prestigious high school in Tennessee. Most of the kids parents are doctors, lawyers are television celebrities. David's mom is a lawyer and that is how he got into the school. School officials assumed she was a single mother because she never mentioned a husband when enrolling David into the school. But when a man smelling of fish came to pick up David from school last month, the school grew suspicious. The school looked into it and it turns out the fishy man is David's father. The school informed David he would be suspended from the school for 10-days because of his father's job. According to the school, the only reason David wasn't expelled is because he was so close to graduating and his last name is hyphenated, so people will know that he is the son of the lawyer lady in town.

That's it. That's the news.