Marty and The News: August 7th Edition

Barack Obama cancels playdate with Vladimir Putin. The two world leaders had planned on doing some fishing and playing with those Russian dolls. Obama says he cancelled the playdate because Putin won't tell him where Edward Snowden is. Obama and Snowden have been playing hide and seek since May. Putin has also said that playing dolls 'is gay.' He said he'd shoot Obama 'in the face' if he tried to play 'with gay ass dolls.'  Obama is going to Sweden instead. Sweden doesn't know where Snowden is, but they do have some pretty sweet dolls.

Chris Brown, 'tired of being famous for a mistake,' quits music in hopes of beating women in anonymity. Brown says he'll release his next album, 'X', and then he'll quit music for good. Brown rose to fame because of his singing and dancing skills. He made headlines when he beat the shit out of Rihanna. He thinks he became famous because of hitting Rihanna. What Brown doesn't realize, is that if he wasn't already famous, no one would know about him beating the shit out of women. He'd just be a regular guy that never makes headlines and beats women. That's what Brown wants. He's sick of being a famous woman beater, so he's quitting the thing that made him famous in hopes that he can became a regular-woman-beater.

Tea Party is up to some shit again, say some Republicans. Republicans think they have a good chance to take control of the Senate, but the Tea Party zealots are ruining it, or something like that. Wasn't that Chris Brown story crazy?

Cabella

Man blows up dog because his ex 'put the devil in it,' won't face animal cruelty charges. Christopher W. Dillingham attached an explosive device around the dog's neck and detonated it. It's not known if he got the devil out of the dog, but he did get dog parts all over the yard. He also woke up all of his neighbors. One law enforcement official said he wasn't charged with animal cruelty because the dog died instantaneously. He has been charged with reckless endangerment and possession of an explosive device. Prosecutors say he still could be charged with animal cruelty.



Michael Phelps to write book, 'Everyone Pees In The Pool.' In an attempt to ride the success of the book, 'Everyone Poops,' Phelps is writing his own confessional book. 'Everyone Poops' was written by Taro Gomi in an attempt to make his pooping look normal. In the book, Gomi claims that everyone else poops too. Phelps recently admitted to peeing in the pool all the time and hopes the book will make it seem normal.

Willis out, Ford in, Stallone hardest working man in showbiz. Sylvester Stallone called Bruce Willis 'greedy and lazy' after kicking him out of Expendables 3. Willis appeared in the first two films. Stallone was excited to announce that Harrison Ford will be in the next installment of the Expendables. Proving that everyone in the movie really is expendable.

Photo man took before going back for wife

Magnetic polarity of the sun to flip. It does this every 11 years or so and no one know what it means or why it happens. "Maybe it just gets bored," says guy who goes outside a lot.

Man saves dog from sinking boat, takes picture, then goes back to save wife.





That's it. That's the news.