Friday, May 3, 2013

Marty and The News

News

'My Fair Wedding' host getting divorce. David Tutera's husband Ryan Jurica has filed for divorce in the state of Connecticut. The two are expecting twins via a surrogate in the coming months. There is a whole fight over the twins, but it's not really important. What is important is that Jurica claims one of the reasons for the divorce is because of Tutera's sex addiction. Jurica says Tutera is always getting prostitutes and escorts. What isn't made clear is whether or not the prostitutes and/or escorts are male or female. It matters and the public should withhold any judgment until they know the answer.

Economist claims we'll all have jobs by 2018. "Oh yeah," says Charles Smith. "We'll see about that. I like a challenge. Bring it on bitches. I'll tell you one thing, this guy won't have a job in 2018 now. I'm going to shut this asshole up."

Kriss Kross will make ya... cry, cry.  Rapper Chris Kelly, better known as Kriss Kross has passed away at the age of 34. Kelly's family has asked that you put your pants on backwards and jump while pouring out your 40 in his memory.


Banana or penis?

Jenny McCarthy dating Louis C.K. in her head. In April, Howard Stern told McCarthy that she should date Louis. She has now decided that the two really are dating. When reached for comment, Louis had to be reminded of who McCarthy is.

Justin Bieber stops concert in Turkey. Thousands boo and thousands pray.

Some dude in Slayer dies. Many mourn, many others ask who is Slayer and others claim they've always known who Slayer is and have loved them since they started in 1997, even though they actually started in 1982.

School closed due to really nice weather. "It was like extra super nice out," says one girl.

That's it. That's the news.

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