Marty and The News

It's really hard to be a news reporter right now. There is real news happening, but it's all overshadowed by the election. Which isn't news. I struggled to gather together news stories today. I even had to let one election related story sneak in. I'll put it at the end, since no one reads that far. I could easily go with the beginning though, since no one has made it this far.

News.

Taken with LG VX-6000

New York City mayor, Michael Bloomberg, fires City Hall photographer. To show his solidarity with the city and that he understands the people's transportation woes, Bloomberg rode the subway to work today. "We've come a long way," said Bloomberg. "A large portion of the subway system is up and running again. A few lines are still not running and most still aren't running at full capacity. Transportation is still and issue for the city. I wanted to show that I'm there with the people of the city." Bloomberg was driven 20 blocks from his home to the 5 stop on 59th Street, despite the fact that there are several stops closer to his house that could easily be walked to. Which is how everyone else does it. Bloomberg was joined on the train by six security guards and a City Hall photographer. The photographer has been fired for not getting a good picture of Bloomberg. The picture looks like it wasn't taken with a cell phone camera from 2004. "It's a shame that I had to fire him," said Bloomberg. "We just bought him this really nice camera a few months ago though. He said he had to have it. It's been a few months. He should have learned how to use it by now. This was a very important picture, that was supposed to show me being a normal New Yorker."

Man has received mysterious death threats after catching an octopus. Police now believe the threats are coming from the family of the octopus.

When attacked by a bear, make sure you fight back, or it won't be classified as an attack.

I got stuff to do. You're not going to get your election story. It was just about how the astronauts in space get to vote. Yet, I'm not able to vote from my apartment. That's bullshit, and...

That's it. That's the news.