Marty And The News: July 3rd Edition

More news.

Porn Star?

Porn company wants Paula Deen to work for them. Thankfully, they have stipulated that under no circumstances, is she allowed to get naked.

Glenn Greenwald comes back from vacation and makes statement without looking at the news he missed first. It's still unclear as to who Greenwald is, but he somehow made his way on to Fox News. He announced that the world will be shocked by what the NSA is doing. Greenwald admits he has been on vacation for over a month and is not aware of anyone named Edward Snowden.

Ex-Gay Pride Month? The Family Research Council wants to make it so. They are even planning a dinner to help get the month rolling and to promote ex-gay rights. What rights they are fighting for is unclear.

Dennis Rodman unclear on how Nobel Peace Prize works. Because Rodman visited North Korea, he's demanding the Noble Peace Prize.

Not even Tim Tebow could stop Aaron Hernandez. In 2007, Tebow, aka Jesus, tried to break up a fight that Hernandez was involved in, but failed.

Video of man hitting cows having sex is way too long.  

There was no reason for that video to be 57 seconds long. Two seconds to establish that he is driving. Then the cows show up. Then show five seconds after the cows are hit mid-coitus. That's it. That's all we need. 

Man is convicted of sodomizing 14-year-old girl, kills himself. Neighbor regrets that he wasn't more clear with his instructions. When Steve Parsons was sitting on his neighbor's porch and saw a 14-year-old girl riding by on her bike, his words were "I'd tap that ass," according to his neighbor Charles Smith. Smith replied that Parsons should kill himself. Smith intended for Parsons to kill himself right then, not after he sodomized the girl. Smith has apologized to the girl's family for the unclear directions.  

Record number of teens show up for annual street brawl. Over 400 hundred teens turned out for the annual street brawl in Greensboro North Carolina this year. This shatters the previous record of six. Eleven arrests were made. Also shattering the record. Police were shocked by the turnout this year and may try to put a stop to the annual brawl. Christoper Hicks, 17, has been participating in the brawl for three years and was upset by the massive turnout this year. "You're ruining it for us diehards. Stop it," says Hicks. 

Police arrest man for filming them and shoot his dog. There is video. I suggest you don't watch it though.