Marty and The News

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Didn't have time to buy new sweater

Amanda Bynes gets a haircut. Millions of other Americans also get their haircut, but they didn't tweet about it. Bynes wins by default.

Evan Rachel Wood talks about being bisexual. "I wanted to wait ... to have enough years under my belt where people knew that it wasn't a phase or anything and I wasn't doing it for attention." Wood later clarified her comment by saying she meant to say people, not years.

Eleven hurt in bus, train crash. Injuries include Down Syndrome, Severe Autism, Cerebral Palsy and being elderly. Reports are coming in that the injuries were not caused by the crash.

FBI informant says Taliban members are living in America. He then claimed that along with Taliban, there are Jews, Blacks, Gays, Asians, Mexicans, Hindus, Germans and many other people.

Oklahoma prison guard has lived with shame of letting prisoners escape for 14 years. March 11, 1999, eight prisoners overpowered prison guard Charles Smith and escaped, but for Smith, it seems like it was just yesterday. "It was scary," says Smith. "The barbeque fork they had was just so large. I thought my life was going to end right then." Other prison guards say the fork was just a regular sized fork. "Smith was just being a pussy," says one guard. Seven of the prisoners who escaped were found shortly after their escape. One, David Lee Kemp, was never captured. Smith says he has lived in fear because of it. "I have dreams of him stabbing me with a fork," says Smith. He can breathe a little easier now that Kemp turned himself in Friday morning. "I'd just done everything I wanted to do," says Kemp. "I was ready to go back to jail for over a year. I've been sending police clues, but they weren't figuring them out, so I just went to the jail myself."

Man doesn't notice his lady friend has been dead for over six months. "I just thought she was really tired," says Dennis McCauley. "God knows I've wanted to sit on the couch for six months straight before. I started getting worried last month, when I noticed that she hadn't eaten anything for five months, but I didn't want to bother her."

Dogs calm people. That's great, but you still shouldn't get to fly with your dog.


That's it. That's the news