Marty and The News

Here is news.

The Royal Balding

World is shocked to learn that Kate Middleton is pregnant and one newspapers editor is fired for using a non-royal related pun. Middleton, of 'being married to that balding Prince' fame, was taken to the hospital for acute morning sickness. It was announced that she was pregnant shortly after her hospital visit. The pregnancy has quickly been dubbed the Royal Pregnancy. Middleton's bout with acute morning sickness has been dubbed the Royal Morning Sickness. Although one small town newspaper's editor went with the headline, 'Acute Morning Sickness, More Like A-Cute Morning Sickness'. He was appropriately fired and thrown out of the country. In the hospital, Middleton had to be given water and nutrients. That has become known as the Royal Supplementation or Royal Hydration. Most were shocked to learn of the pregnancy, because there hasn't been any reports of Royal Sexual Intercourse ever taking place.

Supreme Court still has nothing to about same-sex marriage. In public, that is. Behind closed doors, same-sex marriage is all they talk about and do. They are always same-sex marrying people and each other. Stephen Breyer has been married to Thurgood Marshall for about a year. Same with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor. Clarence Thomas was engaged to Anthony Kennedy and Antonin Scalia and John Paul Stephens had been dating for nearly six years, but then Scalia cheated with Thomas. Both Kennedy and Stephens have sworn off dating because of the incident. Scalia and Thomas are set to be wed next month. The only straight one out of the bunch is Samuel Alito. He doesn't date either though, because his heart was also broken. He's loved Ginsburg for years. He even tried to stop the wedding of Ginsburg and Sotomayor during the ceremony. I think I got all of them.

Slow year for celebrity sex tapes as Octomom is nominated for 'Best Celebrity sex tape'.

Homeless guy thinks this is worth milions

Homeless man doesn't understand how the Internet works. Jeffrey Hillman has been homeless for for than 10 years. When a police officer spotted him on the street a few weeks ago, he noticed Hillman was barefoot. The officer went to a shoe store and bought Hillman a $100 pair of boots. Hillman refuses to wear the boots, because he says he would be killed for them. He says he has them hidden somewhere. A photo of the officer giving the boots to Hillman was taken. The photo was posted online and has gone viral. "I was put on YouTube," Hillman said. "I was put on everything without permission. What do I get? This went around the world, and I want a piece of the pie." What he doesn't realize is that the boots he was given are worth roughly 10,000 times more than the amount of money that was generated by the photo being on the Internet. Those 600,000 likes on Facebook aren't worth anything. He was also never put on YouTube, unless you count news stories. He also shouldn't know what YouTube is. He was homeless when it became a thing.

That's it. That's the news.