Marty and The News

Here we go. It's news time. Start reading now.

Woman claims she was singled out by TSA, blames hairstyle. When Dana Oliver was singled out for a random search airport security, she had no one to blame but herself. "It had to be the hair," said Oliver.  During the pat down, Oliver claims that the gentlemen performing the search squeezed her butt. She also blamed the squeeze on the hair. Never once did she acknowledge that maybe the guy performing the search thought that she was attractive and that her booty was fly and used his positon to have her pulled out of line.

Before PSY was pretending to ride horses, he was telling America that they suck. In quite possibly the worst YouTube video of all time (the video being bad has nothing to do with PSY being in it, just watch it if you want to see why), South Korean rapper PSY is seen holding a tank over his head and throwing it to the ground. Not a full size tank. He then smashes it to pieces. It's a pretty generic looking tank. Nothing innately American looking about it. Could just be an anti-tank/war song, but since most Americans think we are the only ones with tanks, it's an American tank. One of the lyrics in the song is, "kill those f--king Yankees." No one is giving PSY the benefit of a doubt with that lyric. Even though it's a well known fact that his is a Red Sox fan.

Homeless people prove that they want to be homeless. Despite an effort to make more homeless shelters available to the homeless, the homeless rate hasn't moved. Charles Smith had this to say. "I know this guy that got sent to one of those homeless shelters. He just waited until they thought he was asleep and then climbed out the window. He was back at his bridge in a few hours. Most of these homeless guys want to be homeless."

Miley Cyrus being Pink in black

No one pays attention to Miley Cyrus as she slowly turns into Pink.

South Africa rethinks their hospital policy. It's standard procedure to not admit people into South African hospitals that are still able to speak. Lawmakers in South Africa may change this policy after what happened to Nelson Mandela. Mandela, 94, has been in quite poor health for a while now. His family and friends have been trying to get him into a hospital for a few months. The only problem was the Mandela was still able to speak. Mandela stopped speaking the other day and was finally admitted to the hospital. Some say it's all a rouse and that he can still speak. He's just using his postion to be admitted into the hospital. Friends of Mandela say it's a miracle that he stopped speaking. "If he were still speaking," says friend of Mandela, "he'd be dead." 

Kiam Moriya to turn 12. Moriya thinks it's a big deal that he is turning 12 because he was born on December 12, 2000 at 12:12 p.m.  That would mean he's turning 12 on 12/12/12 at 12:12 p.m. Moriya's teacher says he thinks he's hot shit because of it. "He used to be the biggest loser in the class. Last month he started telling everyone about how his birthday was going to be all 12s. The kids all thought this was cool. It's not cool. I plan on teaching the kids about Military time on December 13th. To show him and the class that his birthday isn't really all 12s. Then it will be back to spit-wads and wedgies for Kiam. That kid sucks and his name is stupid."

Irresponsible toddler leaves lets go of dog's leash to splash around in a puddle. Davis Lange, 3, was walking his dog, Rufus, when they duo came across a puddle. Lange dropped the dog's leash and started splashing in the puddle. Police have issued the toddler a ticket. "I know the boy is only 3, but we can't let this kind of thing go unpunished. What he did is just irresponsible. Dog owners need to have their dogs on a leash and be holding that leash at all times when out in public. For the safety of the dog and everyone in the vicinity. The dog did just stand there and watch the boy play in the puddle, but who's to say that'll be the case next time."

What do you think? Do you think the police made the right decision? Watch the video and leave a comment.

Boy doesn't get the toy he wanted for his birthday, donates all the presents he did get in hopes that someone will get him the presents he wanted as a reward for his generosity. Chase Branscum, 12, got hundreds of presents for his birthday, but not one of them was what he really wanted. In an act of generosity, Branscum donated everything he received to Toys for Tots. "I have toys," says Bransum. "I don't have a Nintendo Wii U or a John Cena WWE Brawlin' Buddy, but I have toys. Those kids deserve to have toys to play with. I just know those kids are going to have so much fun with the toys. The toys will bring them so much joy. The same kind of joy I'd get from a Nintendo Wii U or a John Cena WWE Brawlin' Buddy."

Monkey in puffy coat shops at IKEA. It's not known what the monkey was looking for. Despite IKEA having everything, the monkey left the store with nothing. He looked quite perturbed and frantic as he left the store.  

That's it. That's the news.

Marty and The News

While you were watching the debates last night, or avoiding people talking about the debates, actual news was happening. Luckily, I was there to catch it.

You guys, the day we've been waiting for has happened. It's been rumored for quite a few months that this tape existed. Now we have the tape. The Hulk Hogan sex tape we've all wanted to see is real. It's 30 minutes long. Go here to see a 1 minute clip of all the best parts, or you can skip past the video and read a synopsis of the video. Needless to say, don't go there if you are at work, or a normal person. But if you like hearing Hulk Hogan talk about how he feels like a pig because he just ate so much AND seeing his penis, click away.

Hillary taking it all in

Christina Aguilera wins George McGovern Leadership Award. Aguilera did nothing to win the award. Hillary Clinton, who hosted the awards, has always wanted to meet Aguilera and has never gotten the opportunity. "I've admired her for years," says the former first lady. "The voice, the breasts... she has it all. I took this opportunity to take it all in."

Chris Brown hits his girlfriend to pursue Rihanna. The spat Brown and Rihanna got into that resulted in Brown striking Rihanna is well documented. It's also well documented that the two have been spotted canoodling as of late. Word on the street is that the two are getting back together. There was one stumbling block to this happening. Brown was dating Karrueche Tran. So to pursue Rihanna, he got out of that relationship the only way he knows how. "I didn't want to be an asshole and date the two women at the same time," says Brown. "I'm too much of a man to play two women like that, so I broke things off with Karrueche by punching her in the face." Friends of Brown say that's the only way he knows how to breakup with someone.

Snooki and her large head

Pictures of Snooki, with no makeup on, leak. Experts say the leaked photos will be damaging to the career of Snooki. "The pictures are grotesque," says Jim Richards, a big Hollywood expert guy. "Their is no doubt that Snooki's PR team is working hard to try and clean this mess up and sweep it under the rug." Snooki claims she leaked the pictures on her Instagram account. "Can't be true," says Richards. "Releasing those pictures would be career suicide. Someone released them without her knowledge." Richards ended the interview to throw up.

Boxer Orlando Cruz keeps the streak alive. Gay men coming out of the closet is nothing new, but Cruz almost made history when he come out of the closet. When rumors started to circulate last week that Cruz was going to announce that he is a 'content gay man,' the gay community feared that their streak may be in jeopardy. In the history of gay men coming out, not one has come out as anything other than a 'proud gay man.' In the end, Cruz came out as a 'proud gay man' at a press conference earlier today. When asked about the rumors Cruz said, "I'm ashamed that even happened. I was just having a rough day. I never intended to come out as anything other than a 'proud gay man.' The 'content gay man' comment was something I said out of frustration. I regret that I put the gay community through this ordeal."

Austin, Texas has the reputation of being a little island of Texas. A liberal island surrounded by conservative waters. Today, students at the University of Texas at Austin took it upon themselves to show that this just isn't true. They threw balloons filled with bleach at African-American students. Jamilah Beene, a black gentleman, said of the attack, "It's sad this happened and that it appears racism is behind the attack. They were actually really nice about it though. That's the thing about Austin. People here are really nice. Before the balloons started being thrown they said, 'hey you guys, we're going to start throwing these balloons at you because you are black. Oh, and they are filled with bleach.' They didn't start throwing the balloons until they after they let us know what was going on. So that was cool."

Boston Red Sox finally fire Bobby Valentine. Talk of Valentine's firing began even before he was hired to be the teams manager. Throughout the season, all talk involving the Red Sox centered around why Valentine hadn't been fired yet. Now that the season is over, Valentine has finally been fired. "We meant to fire Bobby clear back in May," said Red Sox general manager Ben Cherington. "We had done all the paperwork and everything. Then we lost the paperwork. We looked everywhere for it. We could have filled out different paperwork, but you have to get all these signatures and the signatures we needed were already on the paperwork we lost. It would have been too much of a hassle to get all those signatures again. Our season is over now, so I was cleaning up my office today and the paperwork showed up. And now Bobby is no longer working with the Red Sox. I never gave up looking for those papers. Persistance pays."

That's it. That's the news.