Showing posts with label Gangnam Style. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gangnam Style. Show all posts

Monday, December 10, 2012

Marty and The News

Here we go. It's news time. Start reading now.

Woman claims she was singled out by TSA, blames hairstyle. When Dana Oliver was singled out for a random search airport security, she had no one to blame but herself. "It had to be the hair," said Oliver.  During the pat down, Oliver claims that the gentlemen performing the search squeezed her butt. She also blamed the squeeze on the hair. Never once did she acknowledge that maybe the guy performing the search thought that she was attractive and that her booty was fly and used his positon to have her pulled out of line.

Before PSY was pretending to ride horses, he was telling America that they suck. In quite possibly the worst YouTube video of all time (the video being bad has nothing to do with PSY being in it, just watch it if you want to see why), South Korean rapper PSY is seen holding a tank over his head and throwing it to the ground. Not a full size tank. He then smashes it to pieces. It's a pretty generic looking tank. Nothing innately American looking about it. Could just be an anti-tank/war song, but since most Americans think we are the only ones with tanks, it's an American tank. One of the lyrics in the song is, "kill those f--king Yankees." No one is giving PSY the benefit of a doubt with that lyric. Even though it's a well known fact that his is a Red Sox fan.

Homeless people prove that they want to be homeless. Despite an effort to make more homeless shelters available to the homeless, the homeless rate hasn't moved. Charles Smith had this to say. "I know this guy that got sent to one of those homeless shelters. He just waited until they thought he was asleep and then climbed out the window. He was back at his bridge in a few hours. Most of these homeless guys want to be homeless."

Miley Cyrus being Pink in black
No one pays attention to Miley Cyrus as she slowly turns into Pink.

South Africa rethinks their hospital policy. It's standard procedure to not admit people into South African hospitals that are still able to speak. Lawmakers in South Africa may change this policy after what happened to Nelson Mandela. Mandela, 94, has been in quite poor health for a while now. His family and friends have been trying to get him into a hospital for a few months. The only problem was the Mandela was still able to speak. Mandela stopped speaking the other day and was finally admitted to the hospital. Some say it's all a rouse and that he can still speak. He's just using his postion to be admitted into the hospital. Friends of Mandela say it's a miracle that he stopped speaking. "If he were still speaking," says friend of Mandela, "he'd be dead." 

Kiam Moriya to turn 12. Moriya thinks it's a big deal that he is turning 12 because he was born on December 12, 2000 at 12:12 p.m.  That would mean he's turning 12 on 12/12/12 at 12:12 p.m. Moriya's teacher says he thinks he's hot shit because of it. "He used to be the biggest loser in the class. Last month he started telling everyone about how his birthday was going to be all 12s. The kids all thought this was cool. It's not cool. I plan on teaching the kids about Military time on December 13th. To show him and the class that his birthday isn't really all 12s. Then it will be back to spit-wads and wedgies for Kiam. That kid sucks and his name is stupid."

Irresponsible toddler leaves lets go of dog's leash to splash around in a puddle. Davis Lange, 3, was walking his dog, Rufus, when they duo came across a puddle. Lange dropped the dog's leash and started splashing in the puddle. Police have issued the toddler a ticket. "I know the boy is only 3, but we can't let this kind of thing go unpunished. What he did is just irresponsible. Dog owners need to have their dogs on a leash and be holding that leash at all times when out in public. For the safety of the dog and everyone in the vicinity. The dog did just stand there and watch the boy play in the puddle, but who's to say that'll be the case next time."

What do you think? Do you think the police made the right decision? Watch the video and leave a comment.


Boy doesn't get the toy he wanted for his birthday, donates all the presents he did get in hopes that someone will get him the presents he wanted as a reward for his generosity. Chase Branscum, 12, got hundreds of presents for his birthday, but not one of them was what he really wanted. In an act of generosity, Branscum donated everything he received to Toys for Tots. "I have toys," says Bransum. "I don't have a Nintendo Wii U or a John Cena WWE Brawlin' Buddy, but I have toys. Those kids deserve to have toys to play with. I just know those kids are going to have so much fun with the toys. The toys will bring them so much joy. The same kind of joy I'd get from a Nintendo Wii U or a John Cena WWE Brawlin' Buddy."

Monkey in puffy coat shops at IKEA. It's not known what the monkey was looking for. Despite IKEA having everything, the monkey left the store with nothing. He looked quite perturbed and frantic as he left the store.  



That's it. That's the news.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Marty and The News

News.

Bill O'Reilly finally shuts up everyone who thought he was doing actual news. O'Reilly stopped doing actual news reporting in 1989, when he started working on Inside Edition. People slowly started to realize that his career of doing actual news was over, but some were still believers. When O'Reilly went to Fox News in 1996, he set out to put all the rumors of him doing real news to rest. More people slowly realized he wasn't doing news. By 2010, there were only a handful of believers left. O'Reilly has spent the last two years trying to convince them that he isn't a real news guy. All of his attempts failed. But earlier this week, he found a way. He talked about 'Gangnam Style' and what it meant for 5 minutes. He even brought on an expert. After nearly 25 years, O'Reilly has finally shed the stigma of being a real news guy.


Some are saying she was on That 70's Show
'That 70's Show' star allegedly assaults her 61-year-old husband. Police say her husband also assaulted her. Police are certain the assaults took place. What is under question is whether or not Lisa Robin Kelly was a star on 'That 70's Show', or even on the show at all. Police Chief Michael Roberts had this to say about it. "We have a lot of officers that remember watching that show. A lot say it was their favorite show growing up. Most of them have no idea who she is. There are two guys who say they possibly remember seeing her on an episode or two, but they have no idea what her role was. We've already contacted Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis and Wilmer Valderamma. They all had no recollection of her. We're still reaching out to Topher Grace, that tall chick and the other dude."

Disney, Sears, Walmart, Sean Coombs, Mickey Mouse and a bunch of other high profile companies/people are the reason for a fire in Bangladesh.

Teen single handedly sets back 'black people can't swim' stereotype 10 years. Pool surveillance footage shows the teen entering the deep end of the school's pool and then just slipping underwater. There was no splashing or struggling to stay afloat. Friends and classmates then swam around and above him for 17 minutes before someone finally realized he was down there.  The 'black people can't swim' stereotype was set to expire in February of 2015. It has now been adjusted to expire in February of 2025. Which was it's expiration date at the beginning of the year. When US Olympic swimmer Cullen Jones won a gold medal at the Olympics this year, the committee decided to have ten years shaved off. Upon hearing of the teens death, the committee tacked the years back on. Some have appealed the ruling. They note that the teens lack of struggle to stay afloat suggests suicide and not a lack of swimming ability. No word on whether or not the committee will hear the appeals.

Golf looks into banning 'belly putters'. Golf has always been all about trying to ban things, and people, that have a competitive advantage. In 2008, they tried to ban black people in attempt to stop Tiger Woods. But then he ran his car into that tree and that stopped his reign of terror, so they let that one go. It looks like they will see this one through to the end.

Somewhere in New York City, there is the body of a man who died on Monday from gun shots, stab wounds and slash marks saying, "hey assholes..."

That's it. That's the news.