Marty and The News

Here we go. It's news time. Start reading now.

Woman claims she was singled out by TSA, blames hairstyle. When Dana Oliver was singled out for a random search airport security, she had no one to blame but herself. "It had to be the hair," said Oliver.  During the pat down, Oliver claims that the gentlemen performing the search squeezed her butt. She also blamed the squeeze on the hair. Never once did she acknowledge that maybe the guy performing the search thought that she was attractive and that her booty was fly and used his positon to have her pulled out of line.

Before PSY was pretending to ride horses, he was telling America that they suck. In quite possibly the worst YouTube video of all time (the video being bad has nothing to do with PSY being in it, just watch it if you want to see why), South Korean rapper PSY is seen holding a tank over his head and throwing it to the ground. Not a full size tank. He then smashes it to pieces. It's a pretty generic looking tank. Nothing innately American looking about it. Could just be an anti-tank/war song, but since most Americans think we are the only ones with tanks, it's an American tank. One of the lyrics in the song is, "kill those f--king Yankees." No one is giving PSY the benefit of a doubt with that lyric. Even though it's a well known fact that his is a Red Sox fan.

Homeless people prove that they want to be homeless. Despite an effort to make more homeless shelters available to the homeless, the homeless rate hasn't moved. Charles Smith had this to say. "I know this guy that got sent to one of those homeless shelters. He just waited until they thought he was asleep and then climbed out the window. He was back at his bridge in a few hours. Most of these homeless guys want to be homeless."

Miley Cyrus being Pink in black

No one pays attention to Miley Cyrus as she slowly turns into Pink.

South Africa rethinks their hospital policy. It's standard procedure to not admit people into South African hospitals that are still able to speak. Lawmakers in South Africa may change this policy after what happened to Nelson Mandela. Mandela, 94, has been in quite poor health for a while now. His family and friends have been trying to get him into a hospital for a few months. The only problem was the Mandela was still able to speak. Mandela stopped speaking the other day and was finally admitted to the hospital. Some say it's all a rouse and that he can still speak. He's just using his postion to be admitted into the hospital. Friends of Mandela say it's a miracle that he stopped speaking. "If he were still speaking," says friend of Mandela, "he'd be dead." 

Kiam Moriya to turn 12. Moriya thinks it's a big deal that he is turning 12 because he was born on December 12, 2000 at 12:12 p.m.  That would mean he's turning 12 on 12/12/12 at 12:12 p.m. Moriya's teacher says he thinks he's hot shit because of it. "He used to be the biggest loser in the class. Last month he started telling everyone about how his birthday was going to be all 12s. The kids all thought this was cool. It's not cool. I plan on teaching the kids about Military time on December 13th. To show him and the class that his birthday isn't really all 12s. Then it will be back to spit-wads and wedgies for Kiam. That kid sucks and his name is stupid."

Irresponsible toddler leaves lets go of dog's leash to splash around in a puddle. Davis Lange, 3, was walking his dog, Rufus, when they duo came across a puddle. Lange dropped the dog's leash and started splashing in the puddle. Police have issued the toddler a ticket. "I know the boy is only 3, but we can't let this kind of thing go unpunished. What he did is just irresponsible. Dog owners need to have their dogs on a leash and be holding that leash at all times when out in public. For the safety of the dog and everyone in the vicinity. The dog did just stand there and watch the boy play in the puddle, but who's to say that'll be the case next time."

What do you think? Do you think the police made the right decision? Watch the video and leave a comment.

Boy doesn't get the toy he wanted for his birthday, donates all the presents he did get in hopes that someone will get him the presents he wanted as a reward for his generosity. Chase Branscum, 12, got hundreds of presents for his birthday, but not one of them was what he really wanted. In an act of generosity, Branscum donated everything he received to Toys for Tots. "I have toys," says Bransum. "I don't have a Nintendo Wii U or a John Cena WWE Brawlin' Buddy, but I have toys. Those kids deserve to have toys to play with. I just know those kids are going to have so much fun with the toys. The toys will bring them so much joy. The same kind of joy I'd get from a Nintendo Wii U or a John Cena WWE Brawlin' Buddy."

Monkey in puffy coat shops at IKEA. It's not known what the monkey was looking for. Despite IKEA having everything, the monkey left the store with nothing. He looked quite perturbed and frantic as he left the store.  

That's it. That's the news.

Marty and The News

Back to the news.

SEAL Team 6 members ruin 'Medal of Honor: Warfighter'. The Navy's SEAL Team 6 rose to fame when a few of the members carried out the raid that led to the death of Osama Bin Laden. Now they're in the news for an entirely new reason. Seven SEAL Team 6 members, including one who participated in the Bin Laden mission, have been reprimanded for giving classified information to the makers of the newest game in the highly popular 'Medal of Honor' series. The members were sent a disciplinary letter and have lost a few months of pay for their actions. But it's gamers who are going to be hit hardest. Any future copies of the game will be edited by the Navy. Any current copies will be edited by your Internet connected gaming system. Updates have already been sent to all game systems, whether the game has ever been played on the machine or not. So unless your system hasn't been connected to the Internet in the last month, and never is in the future, you will not be able to play the unedited version of the game. However, the edits are very crude. The Navy doesn't know much about video game development. All the edits consist of blurcles over certain images, poorly timed 'beeps' over certain dialogue and in some rare instances, the whole screen just goes blank for a few seconds.

The future doesn't look so bad

Stinky Americans, take note.

Man cuts off tongue for wife. The man's wife had become so fed up with his abusive remarks, that she left him. In attempt to win his wife back, and to keep him from using abusive words in the future, the man cut his own tongue off. Not realizing that his tongue was the only reason his wife was ever with him in the first place. Now he's wifeless and tongueless.

Random wallet picture used for stories about wallets

South African man claims his nephew's genitals are worth $20. That's the reason a man in South Africa gave to police when they found the genitals of his nephew in his wallet. The man was arrested in connection with the death of his nephew. That's when the discovery was made.

Florence Taylor in her house, where she belongs

Town in England gets together to train ferret. Florence Taylor, 86, has been taking a jaunt around the town Nottinghamshire for nearly 40 years. Taylor could be seen taking the same route, at the same time every day. She missed one day in 1983, but that's the only day she ever missed in 40 years. A ferret attack has stopped all of that. Curt Billsley, 48, whohas lived across the street from Taylor his whole life, tells the story. "I grew up with this lady always going around town," says Billsley. "When I was younger, she was always running or jogging around. Sometime in her 60's, she started to slow things down to a walk. That's when she became the cute, inspirational, old lady of Nottinghamshire. That's who she was for over 15 years. She was a town fixture. Other towns were envious that are town had her. Everyone knew and loved her. Eventually she had to get a cane. She was still loved, but never quite as much as she was in her heyday. Then she started using a walker. Talk around town started to go from how cute she is, to how she needs to hang it up. When she put the tennis balls on the walker, the town went nuts. That's when people stared to tell her to stop. It was sad. Other towns were starting to make fun of us. Nottinghamshire became known as 'old lady walking around town' town. Teens from neighboring towns would come over and make fun of her as she walked around. Teens from our own town slowly started to make fun of her, then adults, then children. To her credit, she never stopped. Then one day in 2006, she just collapsed in front of my house. I helped her up. Took her back to her house. The town was ecstatic that it was over. Or so we thought. The next day, she was out there again. Only this time she was on one of those old person/fat person scooters. A meeting was held to figure out how to stop this. That's when the ferret idea came up. It took us six years to train that ferret. It was all worth it though. For five minutes, the whole town watched from their windows as the ferret terrorized her. It even bite her leg for two of those minutes. It worked better than we expected. She won't go out of her house because she is afraid of ferrets now"

Reporter vows to never ask Curt Billsley of Nottinghamshire a question ever again. Billsley turned a simple question into a four hour answer. The reporter tried to cut the answer down as much as possible, but it was still too damn long. But true story. She won't leave her house because she is afraid of ferrets.

Mother in Kenya wastes no time choosing her favorite twin.

Jesus Christ and Mary on the right, log on the left. Or is it the other way around?

Jesus Christ and Mary make an appearance in a log.

"I felt I needed to be inebriated to sleep that night." That's what Ruth Lapointe said about the day she found out her landlord had been spying on here while she showered. "To be fair," says Mark Lapointe, husband of Ruth, "she has to be inebriated every night to fall asleep." Elwyn Gene Miller, the landlord, is accused of peeping on three other girls while they showered. He owns three other building, so he was probably looking at people in those ones too.

Cheetos finally get the recognition they deserve. For years, Cheetos have gone unheralded in the snack pantheon. Now they are in the news for being so good, that one lady almost killed her sister over them. If the bag of Cheetos turn out to be crunchy, instead of puffs, I recant everything I just said.

Doing a sold-out show on Dec. 1

Ronnie Califano slips in a plug for his doo-wop oldies Christmas show fund-raiser starring Jay Black at St. Athanasius Church on Dec 1. Califano was being interviewed about waiting in line for 30 hours to get gas. That's when he slipped in the plug. It's still uncertain as to why he made the plug. "It's sold-out," Califano said shortly after mentioning the show. He did say there is "still a million details for catering, security, parking, VIP seating." Perhaps he was looking for help with that. He sat in car so long though, that he has all of that taken care of now. He was interviewed after waiting in line, so it's not clear as to why he mentioned that those details aren't take care of when they clearly are now. Califano never got his gas from the gas station. He was waiting at the wrong gas station. It was the gas station across the street that received the gas shipment.

School bus driver, Uriah Herron, records cell phone video in landscape. Nice job Uriah Herron. You're the kind of hero every kid needs driving their bus. Oh, and some lady has to wear an 'idiot sign' for two weeks at some corner because of the video.

That's it. That's the News.