George W. Bush goes to the hospital. Just a blocked artery in his heart. No big deal. We won't be attacking any countries because of this, probably.
Anderson Cooper gets 'new show'. CNN is excited to announce that Cooper is now going to be doing two completely different shows on their network. Cooper will still have his show 'AC360'. After that show is over, something else will come on for an hour and then Cooper's new show, 'AC360 Later,' will come on. TWO. COMPLETElY. DIFFERENT. SHOWS. CNN is aware that it looks like the same show, just with a one hour break, but they have repeatedly said that this is not the same show.
Two dudes
Watergate guys asked what they think about Washington Post sale. The guy who made Amazon (the website, not the rainforest), Jeff Bezos is now the owner of the Washington Post. For some reason, famed Watergate reporters, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, were asked for their opinion on the sale. They didn't really say anything interesting. They both just said they were sad that the family who owned the paper forever no longer owned it. Then they said that they think Bezos is going to do a really good job. Nothing interesting.
Mark Wahlberg tells Justin Bieber to stop smoking weed. Bieber fires back and tells Wahlberg to stop wearing around that fake penis he wore in Boogie Nights. Wahlberg wants to put Bieber in a movie about basketball. There isn't really a story here.
Two dudes, one girl, same guy
After 3 months, guy decides that he isn't 'transgender after all.' Don Ennis is an ABC News Editor and has been living his life as woman since May. Ennis, who had been going by Dawn since his change, claims he suffered a two day amnesia. When he came out of it, he realized he was no longer a woman. In an email to his colleagues, Ennis said, “I accused my wife of playing some kind of cruel joke, dressing me up in a wig and bra and making fake ID’s with the name ‘Dawn’ on it." Ennis realized it wasn't a joke when he saw his breasts. He developed the breasts by being a little pudgy and by taking female hormones. Ennis says his memories have returned, but his identity as Dawn did not return. “I am writing to let you know I’m changing my name . . . to Don Ennis. That will be my name again, now and forever. And it appears I’m not transgender after all."
'My Fair Wedding' host getting divorce. David Tutera's husband Ryan Jurica has filed for divorce in the state of Connecticut. The two are expecting twins via a surrogate in the coming months. There is a whole fight over the twins, but it's not really important. What is important is that Jurica claims one of the reasons for the divorce is because of Tutera's sex addiction. Jurica says Tutera is always getting prostitutes and escorts. What isn't made clear is whether or not the prostitutes and/or escorts are male or female. It matters and the public should withhold any judgment until they know the answer.
Economist claims we'll all have jobs by 2018. "Oh yeah," says Charles Smith. "We'll see about that. I like a challenge. Bring it on bitches. I'll tell you one thing, this guy won't have a job in 2018 now. I'm going to shut this asshole up."
Kriss Kross will make ya... cry, cry. Rapper Chris Kelly, better known as Kriss Kross has passed away at the age of 34. Kelly's family has asked that you put your pants on backwards and jump while pouring out your 40 in his memory.
Jenny McCarthy dating Louis C.K. in her head. In April, Howard Stern told McCarthy that she should date Louis. She has now decided that the two really are dating. When reached for comment, Louis had to be reminded of who McCarthy is.
Some dude in Slayer dies. Many mourn, many others ask who is Slayer and others claim they've always known who Slayer is and have loved them since they started in 1997, even though they actually started in 1982.
The news used to stop on Sunday and give you time to catch up. That's not the case anymore. That's why I'm here.
Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are still trying to figure out the equation for their tax plan. When Romney and Ryan came up solution for what their tax plan would do, they decided to call it a night and work on the specifics of achieving that solution in the morning. "We really were going to figure it out that next morning," says Romney. "But Paul had to do some P90X and I didn't have time to wait for him to finish as I had some campaigning to do. I let the people I was talking to that day know that Paul and I had come up with the perfect solution. I thought we would have found the answer on how to get there by now. The whole thing has just kind of snowballed out of control." Romney and Ryan are working tirelessly on the specifics of their tax plan that will end in the way they dreamt. The two men have been spending every night together for the last two weeks trying to figure it out. They have gone through a lot of root beer and licorice, and Ryan has done thousands of push-ups, but they still haven't found the equation that gives them the answer that they came up with more than a month ago now.
Polls show that if the election were held today, Obama would win. Pollsters continued. We also have this other poll from November of 2008, that shows if the election were held then, Obama would also win that. We also have this poll that was only done in the State of Illinois in November of 2004. Obama would win that one too. It doesn't matter which one of these polls you look at, things aren't looking good for Romney.
Justin Bieber's bulimia is out of control. Bieber has never publicly acknowledged the rumors of his bulimia, but it now looks like he may have too. Biber took the stage last night in Arizona and threw up. It was the first stop on his Believe tour, so he can't even blame it on exhaustion. Bieber is going to have to face the rumors head on this time.
David Letterman tells viewers of his late night show to not vote for Mitt Romney. President Barack Obama appeared on the show last week and now Letterman is telling his viewers not to vote for Romney, unless he makes an appearance on the show. Once that appearance takes place, Letterman will then tell his viewers not to vote for Mitt Romney.
Young Jeezy versus...
Just another night in black entertainment, as a fight breaks out at the BET Awards. This time it was Young Jeezy and Rick Ross who got into it. The two got into a shoving match on stage, but things didn't end there. The two argued in the parking lot, where gun shots were reportedly heard.
This fat guy
Man angry with God, attacks churches. Wade Murray was pissed of at God. Now he is accused of vandalizing at least six different churches. Each one of a different denomination. Murray wasn't sure which God was the right God to be mad at, so he hedged his bets and attacked the six most popular Gods.
NHL players meet to discuss lockout strategy. The players have been talking with NFL referees to try and figure out how they got so much public outcry behind their lockout, that eventually came to an end because of the public backlash. The NFL referees union had this to say to the NHL players union. "Our sport is popular. People would rather watch us do our thing, than do whatever it is that you do. And we are just referees. We don't know how to help you. You already missed a full season recently. No one cared then. Why would they care now? The world stopped during our lockout and we only missed three weeks. Sorry that we can't help you. Best of luck."
Prank backfires on high school teen. Sarah Ditmers, the most popular girl at a Michigan high school, thought it would be funny to pull a prank on Whitney Kropp, the often bullied and least popular girl in the school. Ditmers thought it would be a funny prank to have Kropp voted as homecoming queen. "Can you imagine that homely, dumpy looking girl as homecoming queen?" Says Ditmers. "This was going to be my best prank yet." After the prank, Ditmers' mood was much different. "Watching her walk out on the football field... She just looked so beautiful. And the ovation she got from the crowd. I wanted it to be me. She's always going to have that memory of being homecoming queen. I want to have that memory. She's always going to be able to tell people she was homecoming queen in high school. I'm going to have to tell people I lost to that."
Fans of giant breasts and water parks shed a tear. Dolly Parton has withdrawn her involvement in a planned water park in Nashville.
