Marty and The News

News.

Hot Amanda, left. Cow, right

Background of photos show how far Amanda Bynes has fallen. Bynes has taken to her Twitter to complain about people still using old pictures of her. She claims that she looks much better now. Her nose is better, according to her. The pictures tell a different story when seen side by side. Just from the backgrounds of the photos, you can tell that something has gone horribly wrong in her life. One has a Netflix logo behind her and was taken during a red-carpet event. The other is just her bathroom mirror (showing us how ugly her back is). Her bathroom isn't even decorated.

Lindsay Lohan shows Amanda Bynes how it's done. Both stars have taken similar paths to going crazy. But rather than going from cute to vaguely resembling a person you'd want to look at, Lohan is trying to just go from cute to vaguely attractive. For the most part, Lohan has been able to do it. Lohan slips up at times, but quickly returns to being somewhat attractive again. Bynes on the other hand went ugly and hasn't looked back.

Boy doesn't like how sister washes car, shoots her in the chest. A 6-year-old girl remains in critical condition after her brother, 13, became enraged and shot her in the chest. The two children were washing the family car in the driveway of their Florida home. At least one neighbor claims that he thought it was strange. "I thought it was strange," said Justin Latourrette. "They didn't seem to have any supervision." But rather than checking up on the two children, Latourrette just closed the blinds and returned to the couch. Shortly after doing so, an argument broke out when the girl accidentally sprayed the boy in the back with the hose. The boy grabbed the hose and sprayed his sister in the face by putting his thumb over the end of the hose. He then went into the house, grabbed the family gun and shot his sister in the chest.

Chris Brown finds new way to breakup with Rihanna. The last time Brown broke up with Rihanna, he did so by punching her in the face. This time, he just sat down and talked to her. "It felt good," says Brown.  "Don't get me wrong, last time felt good too, but it was different this time."

Hong Kong regrets painting dolphins pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Janet Walker, who doesn't have a Hong Kong sounding name, but is still somehow the Hong Kong Dolphinwatch spokeswoman explains:

It sounded like a good idea in the meeting. Li Wan, who had been a part of Dolphinwatch for 14 years had just passed away. Wan struggled with breast cancer for 6 years. We were all so sad. We wanted to honor her memory. Xe Lian suggested we honor Wan's memory by painting what she loved most pink. It wasn't even really talked about much after that. Everyone just went out and starting painting dolphins pink. All together, we painted something like 3,000 dolphins. 

Raised $10 for breast cancer research

When the The Hong Kong Dolphin Conservation Society learned of what Dolphinwatch had done, they were outraged. It appears the paint used is highly toxic and has been killing the dolphins. Over 500 dolphins have died already and it's not certain they can keep the others from dying. 

Another Fun Bus trip doesn't end in fun. Normally when the fun bus doesn't end up in fun, someone just gets really drunk and throws up everywhere. Occasionally, they also take a dump in the aisle. This time a lady fell out while the bus was travelling on the freeway. The lady was run over by several cars and killed. Miguel Hernandez was the only driver who hit Jamie Frecks and stopped.

“I saw he tried to avoid something, but there was nothing he can do. Nothing I can do. So he just ran over it and I ran over it. I didn’t know what it was,” Miguel Hernandez said. “It was crazy. Cars were just going and we could still hear her being hit”


That's it. That's the news.

Marty and The News

News.

Teen finds new way to amass Twitter followers. Kara Alongi was tweeting a lot, but she didn't have many followers. She decided to go 'missing' in an attempt to gain followers. It worked. To the tune of nearly 100,000 new followers. Police are treating the case as a runaway teen. Family claims she would never run away and was abducted. Twitter experts argue over whether or not her new followers will stick around after she is found. @LarryTheSatelliteGuy tweeted, "I checked this girls tweets. Not very good. Soon as she found, I'm unfollowing. #GetErDone"

Girl, 14, kills baby after giving birth. Sometimes you just have to report the news folks. No jokes here. Although this girl's mom is pretty stupid.

Makes it easier to transition back into other news when you have a story about a college professor stripping naked and running around the classroom screaming, "there is no fucking God." Most of the students in the class saw this coming. Cade Miller, sophomore  said, "he's been saying for a few days now 'you guys, wouldn't it be funny if I just started running around the room naked?"

Angie Hernandez, 11, ruins cousin's birthday party. Anna Hernandez tells the story.

My parents got me this Party Bus for my birthday. I was turning 12. It was so cool. Angie got mad because I wouldn't let her sit where she wanted to. I told her she couldn't sit by any of us and she had to go sit by the emergency exit. The bus turned and she fell out. Now she is dead. This was supposed to be my birthday. I hate Angie. 

Anna's parents have reportedly told friends that although tragic, the incident may be a blessing. They spent all their money on the bus. The bus wasn't really taking the kids anywhere where the party would continue. The bus was just going to drive around. The bus was also just a school bus. The parents had just covered up 'school' with some poster board and wrote 'Party'. The bus has now been dubbed 'The Sad' bus.

Hong Kong also forgot to have a band play as the boat sank.

Hong Kong celebrates 100th anniversary of the sinking of Titanic, by sinking ferry and killing 38. When informed that the 100th anniversary was in April, the President of Hong Kong said, "Really? Shit."


Man finds out his pigs don't really like him. Terry Garner has been raising pigs for years. He thought they were his friend. His own family. After feeding the pigs one morning, Garner stuck around to pet his fellow family members. Only the pigs weren't done eating. They ate him. Terry Garner was 58.

I feel like PETA is on the wrong side of this argument.

BREAKING NEWS: Nigeria has a college. Upset that no one believes Nigeria has a college, a gunmen shot and killed 26 students to get the college into the news. Sadly, the Nigerian college only had 26 students. The college is essentially non-existant now.

Student assaults PE teacher. John Webster, 27 and a former college football player, suffered a fractured ankle and an injured knee from the attack. Webster claims he has been forced to wear an unsightly knee brace because of the attack. Webster's attacker is Rodrigo Carpio. Carpio is in the first grade, 6-years-old and weighs 50 pounds.

Drag queen community upset with Obama. Obama didn't think twice before calling debate prep 'a drag.'  But now the drag queen community is up in arms over the flippant comment. "Ahh, hell no," said James Stack, better know as Esther. "No he didn't. Maybe debate prep is hard, but Obama don't need to be bringing us into this."