Marty and The News

News time begins now.

Britney Spears accused of meth abuse by former manager. Charles Smith is indignant about the accusation. "This guy just needs to leave Britney alone," says Smith. "She's been through enough in her life. Like that time she had to shave her head, because her hair just started falling out. Then she had to get all that dental work done, because her teeth just gave up one her. No on likes going to the dentist. People need to get off her back. These is nothing that can substantiate these rumors of meth use."

Middle school principal orders 11-year-old boy to transfer schools. The boy's parents are upset and say their boy has been removed from the school because he has the genetic mutation that carries cystic fibrosis. Principal Bill Darrington has kept quiet on the issue, but those close to Darrington say cystic fibrosis has nothing to do with it. "I've know Bill for years," says Greg Larson, who has known Darrington for years. "He's always had this thing for white people having black people names. He just doesn't like it. He probably took it too far this time by having the boy transfer schools. I think the reason for this is because his name is Coleman Chadam."

Died doing what she loved

Police now believe that a missing woman was killed during threesome. Elizabeth Marriott went missing a few weeks ago. I thought about reporting on it then, but I didn't think she was hot enough to mention it. The story has now taken a twist that is worthy of reporting on. Evidence now points to Marriott being dead. Investigators also believe that her death occurred during a sexual encounter.

Local news team in Oklahoma jumps to conclusion that a 12-year-old girl was making a life-saving decision when she shot a home intruder. When Jessica St. Clair heard an intruder coming into her home, she grabbed the family gun and hide in the closet. The intruder roamed around the house for a bit, still unaware that anyone was home. When he entered the room St. Clair was in he rummaged around before going to open the closet. That's when the girl fired the gun. The news team in Oklahoma has decided to call this a life-saving decision, despite their being no evidence that this guy was going to kill her, or even knew she was their. He was also unarmed.

Dogs kill mailman and then try to kill a smaller dog.

That's it, That's the news.

Marty and The News

I hate that other so-called "news organizations" refuse to report on the debates, or election in general.  It's like they don't exist in their minds. You won't see that from me. So before we get to the actual news, an observation from last night's VP debate needs to be addressed. Joe Bidden had two glasses of water sitting next to him. Paul Ryan had at least four. It may have been five. That Martha lady had one. Where the debate lost all credibility, is in the fact that Martha was using a straw.

News time.

Politicians have way too many opinions on rape, according to poll.. "It makes you stop and think where all these views on rape are coming from," said one anonymous poll responder. "Most people's view on rape is that it's bad. These politicians seem to keep adding a 'but' at the end of that statement, when there is no reason to add one to that statement. You had that 'legitimate rape' guy and now we have a 'some girls are rape easy' guy. It makes you wonder. Maybe these politicians are the kind of guys that we're doing all the raping that we always heard about in college."

The fence rocks were thrown over

Man responds to teenagers throwing rocks over his fence by killing one. The unidentified suspect has been putting up with people throwing rocks over his fence for generations. Finally fed up with the constant rock, the suspect and his posse confronted the rock throwing culprits. Things got heated and ended with one teen being shot and killed.

Bryan Cranston, of 'Malcom in the Middle' fame, proves he's just like us. Cranston also uses the Internet. Cranston, who also has a small role in 'Breaking Bad', a show about a high school teacher who starts cooking meth, has revealed that he actually knows how to cook meth. He didn't intend to, but with that statement he also was telling people that he knows how to use the Internet, because that is where people go to learn to cook meth.

Nobel Prizes are still being given out. The Peace Prize was given out the other day to whatever the EU is.  "This is just ridiculous," said Charles Smith. "At least people knew who Obama was when he won. And why do these things last so long? What is this, like day four and they still aren't even half way done. You've got to be kidding me."

Reminder to all whales to pay bookie

Eye of whale who didn't pay his gambling debts, washes up on shore. Ralph Whale's gambling addiction began at a young age. He was always a small-stakes gambler until the day he came across a clown fish named Marlin. "The odds against Marlin were astronomical," says Ralph. "No one believed in him. Everybody was betting against him. After a chance meeting with him, I knew he'd find Nemo. I put everything I owned on it. I think I was the only one betting on Marlin." Ralph won $137 million when Nemo was found. "The day Marlin found Nemo was the worst day of my life." Ralph went from a low-stakes gambler to a high-stakes gambler. He'd bet on anything and bet big. He once bet $2 million on whether or not a shrimp was asleep or dead. Nearly 10 years after his Nemo bet, Ralph has lost it all. He owes bookie sharks over $13 million. Ralph doesn't know how he is going to pay the debt. "They've all ready taken my eye. I've come to grips with the fact that they'll probably take my life. I'm just worried they'll go after my family."

That's it. That's The News.