Marty And The News: July 2nd Edition

News took a few months off. Now news is happening again and I'm here to talk about it.

Little Snupe hanging out with a Gary Payton impersonator

Millions are shocked to learn about the existenece of a rapper named Little Snupe. Just as many are disappointed that he is in no way related to Snoop Dogg. A few are sad to hear that Little Snupe was killed.

WikiLeaks releases statement made by Edward Snowden. People on Twitter claim the statement isn't from Snowden because of syntax that is unusual for an American. Many of the Tweets are also written in a weird syntax for an American. No one is American anymore because of syntax.

Cirque Du Soleil patrons not as excited as they thought they would be. Cirque Du Soleil is similar to NASCAR in that many patrons go in hopes that the worse will happen. The worst happened in a performance of "Ka"when performer Sarah Guyard-Guillot fell 50 feet to her death. Witness Charles  Smith had this to say. "I've been to dozens of Cirque Du Soleil performances. I'm not proud, but every time I secretly hope something goes wrong. When she initially slipped, I got excited. This was it. This is what I've been waiting for. But then I was like, God no, this is terrible. It wasn't like I thought it was going to be at all."

Despite earlier reports, toxicology screening finds that rapper Kriss Kross died from drug overdose. It was initially believed that Kross died from too much jumping around.

Chicago not keeping pace with 2012. Both homicides and shootings are down by at least 25% when compared to the numbers this time last year. Police are concerned that many gang members aren't going to reach their quota this year.

Not gay

Boy, 4, still on the run after shooting sister, 6, in the face. The 4-year-old boy was apparently upset that his sister got a bigger slice of pie than him. The kid's grandfather says the boy wrestled away his .38 caliber pistol from him before fatally shooting his sister in the face. The boy then turned the gun on his grandfather and threatened to shoot if he tried to stop him from leaving. Police are still searching for the 4-year-old.

Hugh Jackman says he isn't gay, again. No one asked. He just hasn't been in the news for a while, so he just thought he'd let everyone know that he's still around and still not gay. He's flattered though.

Hideous guy

Some guy is upset that he looks hideous. Takes it out on people that are saying Aaron Hernandez is hot.

NFL is worried that spike in Aaron Hernandez jersey sales may result in more players killing people. Before being charged with murder, Hernandez  jerseys didn't sell very well. But now, Hernandez jerseys have become collectors items. In some cases, doubling in value and it's believed they will increase in value even further. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has expressed concern that players who don't have great jersey sales may follow in Hernandez's footsteps.