Marty and The News

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Christoper Reeves still has most ironic Superman photo

The Rock takes ironic Superman photo. Wrestling fans say it's just another stunt. Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, claims he injured himself at Wrestlemania while wrestling John Cena. Because of his injuries, he didn't report to Monday Night Raw the following night. Wrestling fans were outraged. They all assumed he faked the injury so he wouldn't have to make another wrestling appearance. Probably embarrassed from his loss to Cena. But as word started to leak of The Rock's hernia surgery, that took place Tuesday, wrestling fans started to believe the star really was injured. That was until they saw this photo. "He don't love us," says lifelong wrestling fan Charles Smith. "He just fakin' so he ain't got to show up at Raw. Now he continuing the injury excuse to take an ironic picture of him in a Superman shirt. The Rock a punk now."

Church friends question couple's faith after a second child dies. Herbert and Catherine Schaible had a child die in 2009 because they refused to give the child medical attention because it's against their religion. They put their faith into faith healing. The child died. Last week, they lost another child they were trying to cure with faith. "They always seemed so faithful," says fellow church member Jackie Lawson, "but now we just don't know if they have the faith."

Utah man keeps McDonald's hamburger for 14 years. Also kept his virginity for 54 years.

Mark Sanford debates Nancy Pelosi while she stands behind a cardboard cutout of herself. Pelosi explains:

Sanford lost

I just wasn't feeling good about myself when I woke up. My hair was bad and I didn't want to put on makeup. I forgot to pack my good debating clothes as well. I have this cardboard cutout of myself that I take with me everywhere. It's a picture of me when I was looking good. I've probably never looked better. So we used that. I'm considering using the cutout for all my public appearances now. I just look so damn good. We'll have to make a few changes though. We need a stand for the cutout. I had to hold the thing up the whole time and my arms got tired. We should also put the microphone behind the cutout with me. Nobody could hear me. 

Sunil Tripathi can't catch a break. Tripathi was one of the many that Reddit uses misidentified as one of the Boston Marathon bombers. Newspapers across the country are now referring to him as a Brown student. The guy keeps getting racially profiled. Why can't he just be a normal student? Police also say they have found a body in a river that is likely Tripathi.

After a more than two year delay, new $100 bill will be released. The bill was scheduled to debut in February of 2011. Production flaws forced a delay of the bill's release. The bill is now set to debut in October, more than two years after the initial target date. "About time," says currency counterfeiter Charles Smith. "I've had these new counterfeit $100 bills just laying around for a year and half. I couldn't do anything with them though, because the stupid Government couldn't figure out how to make them. Come October, I'm going to be rich." 

Team she coached won a championship

Boys at Utah high school wonder what's wrong with them. Courtney Jarrell, 22, was a math teacher and girls basketball coach at Riverton High School. She has resigned after being charged with raping one of her student's. The student she is accused of raping is female. The boys of Riverton High School have been walking around the halls of school for the last week with a look of rejection. 

Rhode Island likely to become tenth state to allow gay marriage. Prompting millions of Americans to remember that Rhode Island is a state. 

People Magazine names Gwyneth Paltrow 'World's Most Beautiful Woman.' When asked how they made the selection, People Magazine writer Charles Smith explained:

We were lazy. Paltrow has been on the list before, but never number one. We started with her this year. We were trying to decide where to put her, when we all decided we didn't want to bother with the list this year. Even though we could easily find several more beautiful woman than Paltrow, we didn't want to look, so we just gave her the top spot. She was good enough. All the other spots are just blank pages and readers can put in pictures of them, their friends, or celebrities if they want. Except number 77. That went to Sally in accounting. That bitch is bangin.

Time capsule dug up. 

That's it. That's the news.